Bad Mood, Bad Mood

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning

I can see my reflection in the mirror, disapproving

I wish to talk to no one

Can they please leave me alone, thank you

Every little thing gets on my nerves

Even my cutest cat cannot please me

Pessimism is eating me up inside

Cheerfulness is nowhere to be found

And I'm writing this  like a kindergarten

Beats Me

What's so wrong and enigmatic about not desiring for money and success?

About not craving to be "somebody"?

About abolishing the mainstreams of life?

People can be so typical and narrow-minded sometimes.

Oh, Life

It's like getting a hair cut.

You always wanted to because you're sick of your long, boring hair.

But it turned out nasty.

You instantly feel cheated, played on.

But you know it's not anyone's fault (not even the hair cutter's).

And the familiar aggravating feeling comes back. Regret.

What Now?

I am befuddled.

There, I finally said it.

I want it but then I don't.

I feel hopeful but then the feeling subsides.

I am thrilled but then frightened.

Mixed emotions, eh?

I don't know.

Go, perplexity.

Warang Taytol

How I grew impatient and short-tempered, I do not know. I have a tiny fear that these unlikeable traits of mine are sometimes hurting some people around me. And I feel remorseful about that. But the thing is, I honestly feel that being a grumpy fellow does me good in some weird way. I don't know, it just sometimes feels all right to be in the corner of pettishness. It doesn't make sense and that's what I want it to be.

Mayhap?

I'm having second thoughts.

Well, when was I ever sure of anything anyway?

I've always been fickle and indecisive when it comes to making decisions.

But boy, I want it. And I need it.

It will be a chance for me to stand on my own two feet.

To feel that I'm a grown-up who is not dependent on my mother.

To prove that I can manage being alone in a foreign country.

I know that if I'll ever let the opportunity pass, it'll be one of the biggest regrets I'll ever have.

I'm just thinking, wondering if I can really do it.

But how will I ever know if I will not try, right?

Dear,

If I ever have any friends, I can't feel their existence now.

Wallowing in Despair

I feel like my heart is stabbed,
Repeatedly, rhythmically,
When I realized how lonely I am.

Every not-so-sad song makes me want to wail,

Every little memory brings a pang to my heart.

And my wicked heart is filled with jealousy,

As I watch the whole world beaming around me.

Stares and Distance

Even if we both stretch out our hands,

We know they will never meet.

The sun will shine and set for us,

But we know that everyday will never be what yesterday was.

We shall keep the necessary words to ourselves

Because they will never say enough.

We shall ignore our wants and longing

Until we forget that we are just pretending.

But one thing's for sure, I'll catch your smiles and store them in a bottle.

21 Guns

A song,
Something that will remind you of me,
And I will be reminded of you,
After the door of chances had shut us out.

Its streaks of melody, plunging right through my senses,
Lingering, stubbornly lingering,
Driving me into the blues and solitude.
Until one step at a time, I'll be getting it out of my system.

But as long as there are more wishes to be wished,
And the trail of possibilities is wide open,
With a sting in the tail, it'll be replaying,
Until my mind neglects to remember.

A Piece of My Song

Who tiptoed out of the dance in the middle of the night?

Who attempted to swing the pendulum back and forth?

Who was muted and timid to freeze the moments that mattered?

Who haphazardly halted when the sky was in its sublimest form?

Who was the one who apathetically stood while it slipped through our grasp?

Was it you?

Was it really you?

Or was it me, unconsciously, all along?

Wretched.

Sad.
Blue.
Anxious.
Unhappy.
Melancholic.
Depressed.
Miserable.
Anything else?
I'm anything but glad.

Taking Iterax

Still,I'm just terrified.I'm anxious of everything both plausible and impossible to happen.I'm afraid of the inevitable and yes,even some preposterous things.I'm fearful of the dark,of dying,of the thought of my loved ones leaving me,of getting miserably sick,of not knowing what lies ahead,of criticisms and of responsibilities.I'm scared of changes,of sleeping alone,of standing in front of a crowd,of commitment,of falling in love,of being forgotten and forgetting essential memories.

And I'm just a human.But sometimes it's not even a tolerable reason.

A Late New Year's Resolution

I realized that it's darn difficult to break a habit.Once you get used to it,it takes a heck of time to change it.You know it's not good for you but you keep on doing it.And no matter how many times you say "I'm not going to do it again",well,you still do.Mine is sleeping late.Maybe it's fine if I'm doing something important that needs to be abruptly finished.But no,I'm doing nothing necessary at all.I'm just playing Yoville and Cafe World,doing blog posts that I delete after I've typed because I suddenly didn't like to post them,chat with the other nocturnal creatures,read others' posts and statuses or simply stare at my profile in Facebook.I want to watch Anime or Kdoramas at night but it would possibly awaken the people here.So,I never dare to.Oftentimes,my mind still works until past 2 am.

I promised a million times before to sleep early,11 pm would do.But I have annoyingly failed.When I start to sit in front of the computer,it's challenging for someone to tell me to get lost.What I need is force,shouting,pulling,dragging.Yes,I'm addicted to Internet.So,back to the topic.When I sleep at around 2 am,I surely wake up at past 10 or 11 am.And I endure the consequence that I face everyday called dizziness.It's absolutely becauseI have a refractive defect in the eyes called nearsightedness but I'm still abusing them.And then my mother would start lecturing me about the importance of getting proper sleep.I would just say, "I know" like I really am going to do it.But I feel terrible waking up late.It's never a good feeling.At Wednesdays,I have a class at 7:30 am and it's remarkable that I have the energy to wake up at 6:30 (I know,I'm late for school for waking up at that time).

Well,here's the bottomline.I'm trying,really trying to sleep early to be able to wake up early and somehow exercise.LOL.There's no denying that I'm getting fat that causes the usual jokes of people around me.And I'm not pleased to be called as chubby.Plus,pimples are attacking my face.As a friend have retorted,"Kaya man palan piga-pimples ka" when he asked if I'm always sleeping late.Is there a truth behind the belief that you'll get pimples when sleeping late?Or is it just purely a myth?Well,I'll google it later.So,from now on,I'm going to sleep early as much as possible.But I know that it would never be a piece of cake.Never.After all,habits are habits.


"Habit is a cable;we weave a thread of it every day,and at last we cannot break it."
-Horace Mann

Tsk.

I'm Not Miserable,I Just Feel Like I Am

Lately I do not feel like doing anything.I just want to lie in my bed,stare at nothing or pretend to sleep because I do not want to sleep.The apathy that controls me is undaunted and it hinders me from doing the necessary things and even the enjoyable ones.It surprisingly bores me to read a book or even to talk with the people here in the house.I find every little thing difficult to do.Even the mere action of eating and taking a bath disinterests me.I haven't finished anything,not the already due article nor the first chapter of our feasibility study.And I'm blaming these all to the crappy weather.How I loathe the rain!And the windy days.Aaarrgh.It's really getting on my nerves.