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I'm so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! =((

Let Me Forget

"People always talk about how hard it can be to remember things - where they left their keys, or the name of an acquaintance - but no one ever talks about how much effort we put into forgetting. I am exhausted from the effort to forget. There are things that have to be forgotten if you want to go on living."

-Stephen Carpenter, 'Killer'

Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.  She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Good Changes

My beliefs have altered and my opinions have changed. I now love the gloom that the rain brings over my tender heart. I love the rain already and once let it pour over me. I came to realize the power of courtship; I didn't believe in its importance until I took a risk I regretted after. I now see the concept of marriage in a different view than before. I realized that I want to tie the knot someday. My list of standards of what I want in a man has been 'modified'. My wants are now simple. It amazes me that I kind of matured in a short span of time, if you can call that maturity. So, cheers to more realizations and dosage of maturity.

Wondering

There is just one thing I endlessly think of sometimes. If the people who love me could not stand the existence of my abnormality, who else would accept this imperfection of mine?

It Never Began, Anyway

But baby, I already ended it several nights ago. It's absolutely pointless to hold on to something that has no direction at all. Lessons learned. Realizations surfaced. Charge it to experience. I am too smart to dwell on nonsense.

"What doesn't kill you...."

I find it funny that some people, when faced with tough times, hold on to the saying that "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" when in fact, the person who said it, Friedrich Nietzsche, died of a mental illness. Ironic, isn't it? So maybe the saying should be modified in regard to the tragedy of Nietzsche's life. It should be "What doesn't kill you makes you insane". Hah.

"Un-me"

"You want to play twenty-four hours a day?"

"Or watch. I just want not to be me. Whether it's playing video games or riding my bike or studying. Giving my brain up. That's what's important."

-Ned Vizzini, "It's Kind of a Funny Story"